JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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