it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
