I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
