dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
