After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
