nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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