good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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