drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
