Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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