ya dads aren't the best wingmen
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
