There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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