honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
