In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
