i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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