In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
