Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
