He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
