...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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