whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
How does it feel to date your dad?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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