Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
