She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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