If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
