I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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