what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Did I show you my penis last night?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
