Pappa wants mamma naked
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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