So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
