she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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