I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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