you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
