too bad you live with your parents still
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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