Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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