He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
