Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
