Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
