thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
