i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
So squirting runs in the family.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
