i will never coherently bang her
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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