Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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