booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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