I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
