u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i think im in europe. pls send help
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
