Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
