Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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