There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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