I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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