I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Your penis caused this!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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