I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
