Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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