Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
