Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
