There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I want a musical about memes.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
