I will die if light touches me.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
