A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
