I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
