So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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